Questions and 1st Words

Hi baby boy. Well, once again I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. Please remember that even if I don't write to you regularly I still think about you each and every single day.

Things have been ok at home lately. Your big sister was testing limits for a while but just this week seems to be settling into her old, sweet self again. Whew! She has said lots of funny things lately. Just the other night she was pretending to be a mama by putting earrings, a necklace and other fun things on. I about lost it when I was calling for her to come help me with something and she came out of her room, tilted her head and said "What sweetie?" Oh my goodness. She is such a good pretender. Then a while later she wasn't listening and told me that I was the kiddo and needed to listen to her. I then informed her that when she wasn't listening I was no longer the kiddo, but rather the mad mama. She got a real sad look on her face and said she didn't want me to be a mad mama because that made her sad. lol! Oh yeah, I forgot! Yesterday morning when I took her to school in the morning she was singing and singing and singing. I told her that she was a beautiful singer and do you know what her response to me was? She said, "I have a lot of songs in my mouth!" LOLOLOLOL! She's been pretty funny lately which has been pretty fun.

Then this morning she wanted me to hold her. So, I picked her up and we were standing in the hallway just watching your baby sister play and she looked at your picture on the wall. She asked me who it was. I told her it was you and that you are her brother. She looked confused so I told her that you had died and lived in heaven. She asked if you were sick. I said no. She asked if you got hurt. I said no. Then she asked the toughest question of all. She asked why you had died then. I had no words. All I could tell her was that I didn't know. I was able to explain your death to an 8 year old this weekend by comparing it to a shoelace being tied in a knot, but how exactly do you explain that to a 3 year old? I don't know. It broke my heart.

My sadness was somewhat made a little better though because just this morning I went into your little sister's room to give her a binky and she looked up at me and said "mama". It was as clear as clear can be. She's getting to be such a big girl. She's so stinkin' cute and sweet and wonderful. Your big sister makes her laugh and smile and go into crazy bouncing fits of delight. It makes my mama's heart happy.

I guess I've had lots of things on my mind lately. The dad of one of your daddy's and my friends died this week which is a major bummer. He was super sick and had been for a while, but it doesn't make it any easier. And to add to it, our friends had a baby just 3 days before he died. I don't believe in coincidences. For some reason, he was well enough to be transfered to our hospital from one about an hour away on Friday of last week. Then Saturday morning (really early) our friends had their baby and he was the first one to hold the little guy. Amazing. He died just three days later. Amazing. I got a text from my friend just yesterday and this is what she wrote: When I said goodbye to Rick the last time he was alive I asked him to watch over Carter. I bet he has already been playing with Carter. He loves little boys.

So, have fun up there with Rick. Be sure he gives you lots of hugs and kisses and tickles from your daddy and me. And please give him hugs and kisses from his family down here. We all miss you two like crazy! I love you!