15 Days

Good morning little one.

Well, life is normal again. Normal...that seems like a strange term considering everything I would have considered normal before losing you isn't normal anymore. Anyway...

Life has been good though. We took a trip last week to meet your new cousin. It was a very good trip and I was happy we took it. Little Knox is a wonderful little person and I am so happy he is in our lives. He wore some of your clothes while we were out there. I thought it would be more bitter sweet than it was. More than anything, I was just happy to see them being used.

Your little sister got an ear infection while we were out there and that was no fun. But other than that, the trip was fairly uneventful. It was a good time and we saw lots of fun things while we were there. We went to Niagara Falls and to a children's museum and to a park where birds ate out of our hands. It was fun.

I was super happy to be able to spend time with my brother (your uncle). He's my only sibling and I don't get to see him as much as I would like to. He gets me. He loves me. He is the most wonderful brother I could ever ask for. We have our differences, but the thing I love most about him is that we can have hard conversations and at the end of it all, we love each other still and don't hold grudges about things that were said. We say the things that we need to say, and I at least, don't feel angry when we talk (I can't speak for him of course but I would assume it is probably the same for him). When he looks at me, you can see in his eyes that he loves his little sister. Much like I imagine you would have looked at your little sister. I love him. That's the bottom line. And I love him more than he will ever know!

Then on our way home we were waiting at the airport for our flight and there was a play place. Your big sister was in heaven! While she was playing, a daddy and his twin girls came and started to play with her. Your daddy and I were talking to each other, trying to decide how old the little girls were and decided they were probably about a year and a half old. So, long story short, their mommy came up and we chatted a little bit. Sure enough, when I asked how old they were, she said 18 months. Then I decided to add insult to injury and ask when their birthday was. August 14th...just 15 days before you were born. It was fun to watch your big sister interact with them. She was teaching them how to throw and roll balls and other fun things like that. Then I realized something. You will be 18 months old next week. I didn't feel terribly sad when I realized it. It was more just like, huh, so that's what he'd be like. It did make me a little sad when I realized that's what it would be like to see your big sister playing with you though. She's such a sweet girl and seeing how gentle and kind she was with those little girls made my heart ache just a little bit.

I think about what I was doing fifteen days before we lost you. And I think about being completely oblivious to what was going to happen. It's amazing what can happen in 15 days. It makes me want to be more thankful for each day I live now.


I love you little one. Take care up there and think of your mommy please!