A new year

Hey Carter. I love you!

Well, it is officially a new year and I am happy to say it is starting out better than last year ended that's for dang sure!

To start, I have stopped having dreams about you. Now, of course that sounds bad, but I would much rather think of you while I'm not sleeping and have the thoughts be as normal as possible. Those dreams I was having were not fun.

Then, on January 3rd you became a cousin! My brother (your uncle )and his wife (your aunt) welcomed little, or not so little, Knox Benjamin into this world. He is a whopper! Weighing in at 9 lbs 10 ozs. he's gonna give your little sister a run for her money. (She's only 13 lbs. 10 ozs. currently!) I am an "Auntie" and can't wait to meet him in February. Your uncle is taking this daddy thing in stride. And it was amazing to hear the transformation in him from the moment your cousin was born. He's going to be a GREAT daddy!

I don't know what this year will bring. I don't have any real hopes per se. But, I do know that I will do everything in my power to enjoy every day. Every day is a gift, Carter. Nothing in life is guaranteed and you taught me that. You, a 5 lb 3.9 oz little boy who didn't take a breath on Earth, taught me life's greatest lesson.

I've been listening to KLOVE a lot lately, as I always do, and they are talking about choosing one word for the year. One word. One word that will define what someone hopes to get out of the year. So, I've been thinking. And although I haven't made my final decision yet, some of the words that come to mind for me are the "Fruits of the spirit" from the book of Galatians: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Now to just pick one. I'll have to report back on that subject I guess! I'm leaning toward peace though. We'll see if it sticks.

I have been reading something that is pinned to my wall at work a lot lately too. It says:

When I get up in the morning, I will sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better.
God didn't put me on Earth to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we are called human beings, not human doings.
Happy Moments, PRAISE God
Difficult Moments, SEEK God
Quiet Moments, WORSHIP God
Painful Moments, TRUST God
Every Moment, THANK God

God is an awesome God. That I know. And that awesome God has carried me through three miscarriages and a stillborn baby. He has walked beside me through life's biggest celebrations too. I know He was jumping up and down when your sisters were born. I just know it.

Even if I don't understand God and His ways. I know that on my good days He celebrates with me. I know too that on my bad days, He holds me and lets me beat on His chest while I cry. That is love. Pure and simple...LOVE!

Happy New Year, baby boy. I miss you like crazy. I love you more than you could ever imagine!