December 8, 2009

Hi baby boy! I love you!

Well little one, there is really not much for me to report today. I had a pretty good day which is always a good thing.

Your daddy put your sister's birthday present together tonight. It's a trampoline. She is going to absolutely love it. They have one at her school and every day when I pick her up, she doesn't want to leave because she wants to play on the "jump jump".

I got to talk about you today. That always makes my day. Whether someone asks about you or if I just decide to tell them all about you, it doesn't matter. Just the mention of your name makes me smile.

I also got some Christmas ornaments in the mail today. I of course ordered one for you but also ordered others for some of your friends' families. I'm going to send them tomorrow.

It's been so cold out lately. I don't think the temperature ever got much over 0* today and the wind chill makes it so much worse. I'm so glad your poor little body doesn't feel the cold. It breaks my heart to think about you being out there in this cold weather. I've been wanting to go out to see you but it's been so cold I just haven't convinced myself to go yet. I hope you can feel my love from here because I really do love you oh so much!

Well my darling little boy. It's bed time. Sweet dreams little one! I love you!

December 6, 2009

Hey you! I love you! Your daddy and I went to a remembrance service tonight and a couple of your pictures were included in the slideshow. You are famous little guy! And oddly enough, there was another little Carter in the slideshow too. We got to talk to his mommy and daddy after the service. He was stillborn in July of 2007. I'm sure you already know him! :) I love you and am pretty tired. Your daddy and I had a busy and fun filled weekend. I love you!

December 5, 2009

Hello love of mine. Let me start off by telling you that we got your stillbirth certificate in the mail today. It has been exactly 14 weeks since we lost you and I'm trying to just be grateful to have it, but I'm so upset that the hospital took SO much longer than the statutory 3 days that it should have been filed in. The finality of getting it makes me so sad. And knowing it is the only "official" government document we will ever have for you makes it that much more special. I'm going to be sure I keep it very safe.

Your daddy and I made Christmas goodies today. It took the majority of the day but I'm glad we made stuff. It all tastes pretty yummy too!

Well my amazing little one, I hope you had a fun day today. I love you and miss you more than you will ever know. Sweet dreams Carter! I love you!

December 4, 2009

Hey baby boy! I love you so much! Today was a busy day again for your family. We decorated the Christmas tree and then your daddy and I mixed up all sorts of goodies to make/bake with your sister tomorrow. We are going to make chocolate covered cherries & peanut butter balls, cut-out cookies (I think your sister will really like making and decorating them), peanut blossoms and fudge. It will be a busy day no doubt. But for now, your mommy is quite tired so I am laying in bed writing to you.

Your daddy seems better tonight. This morning and afternoon he was still seeming pretty upset though. It makes me sad when he is sad. I wish I could make everything better for him, but I can't.

I found out today that your sister gets to participate in the daycare Christmas program. It should be super cute. I can't wait to go!

Well little one, I hope you get some good rest tonight. I love you with all that I am!

December 3, 2009

Hi you! I love you! It was a big day at our house today. Your sister and I each got our hair cut and she also went to the dentist for a check-up. She did really well.

Other than that, not much else happened today. Your daddy is struggling though. He says he doesn't really know what's going on but thinks he is in a funk about you. He said he doesn't know how to describe it other than he just feels like something is missing and that it will always feel that way. I'm so sad for him. I wish you weren't gone. Not just for my sake but especially for your daddy. I think he is really struggling but doesn't know how to or doesn't want to dive into why. I know he needs lots of love right now and I'm going to do my best to give it to him.

We bought all sorts of stuff to make Christmas goodies today. Our plan is to make lots of yummy things to share with people this weekend. It should be fun because your sister is going to help us. :)

Well my darling, sweet Carter, I love you with all that I am and hope you have sweet dreams. Send your daddy some extra love tonight please!

December 1, 2009

Hey there sweet boy. I wish I could tell you I had a good day today, but that would be a lie. I am still having problems getting your stillbirth certificate and I have an eye infection. Needless to say, I felt pretty down today. I am so grateful for some of the people I am surrounded by though. Dr. Storey continues to be so very wonderful to me and Dan continues to be a great friend. And that daddy of yours loves me to pieces and shows me all the time.

I went to visit you today and your pinwheel was completely busted. It makes me super sad when it's broken because I love to see it shining when I pull up to see you.

I signed up for Skype today. It's a web camera thing that we will be able to use to talk to Uncle Adam & Auntie Mel and Bumpa & Nana. Maybe others too! Your Uncle Adam is pretty excited because he really wants your sister to know who he is.

Well my sweet little, perfect boy. I should get some rest. It is once again past my bedtime. I love you and miss you so very much.

November 30, 2009

Oh goodness where do I even start? Today was a sad day again. But like always it seems, I can't put my finger on why it was a tough one. It just was. I think part of it was because I saw pictures of a baby who is up there with you and they broke my heart. I miss you so much Carter Alan. Each and every day I think I miss you more if that is even possible. Your daddy had to go into work early tonight because there have been robberies the last few Monday nights and they are all on the lookout for who is doing it. I can't help but be scared about him being out there though. Especially since there were four officers killed in Washington this weekend (I think). I can't imagine living life if something happened to your daddy or your sister. I think they would have to lock me up.

Your sister woke up yelling for me just a little bit ago. She seemed really scared so we rocked for a while until she fell back to sleep. She is so dang sweet and wonderful. She makes my heart happy.

Well little one, it's almost an hour past my bedtime so I'd better get to sleep. Rest well little one. I love you with all that I am!

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