Good morning Carter. I hope you are doing well. All is well here today. It's a beautiful day and I even got to work early this morning. Your big sister woke up early so I figured I would just come into work early and leave earlier too! Sounds like a good plan if you ask me!
There is some other really good news too that we got yesterday. Your Bumpa and Nana got an offer on their house and they'll close on it May 10th! I'm so happy for them. Your poor Nana has been pretty lonely up there all by herself so having her close to Bumpa and us will be much better. The two of them are going to look at houses on Friday. Hopefully they find one that they like!
Here's another pretty big thing that happened this morning. I was on my way to work listening to the radio and Max Lucado was on KLOVE talking about Easter. The djs asked Mr. Lucado if the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter was significant to the Easter season. Lucado's response totally opened my eyes!
Lucado said that Good Friday is significant because we recognize the death of Jesus on the cross which took away all of our sins. He went on to say that of course Easter Sunday is significant because that is the day the stone was rolled away from the tomb. That was the day death was defeated.
Then there's Saturday. And what happened on that day? Nothing. Nothing happened. The disciples had fled. Everyone was mourning the death of Jesus unaware of what would soon happen. They went through that day with no hope, no sense of the good that would come.
Mr. Lucado pointed out that most of us live in "Saturday". Most of us, including myself, know the tragedy of death and the supposed finality of that so we sit in our Saturday worlds mourning, oblivious to what Sunday will bring!
So, I realized that in losing you in this world I may be living in "Saturday" but I need to keep my heart and mind focused on the "Sunday" that is to come! I'm so grateful for that Carter! I look forward to the "Sunday" to come when everything will be right again, whenever that might be. The world will not always seem so gray. It will not always seem hopeless. It will not feel like there is a brick on my chest forever. There is hope!!!!!!!!
I wish you were here to celebrate Easter with us this year. I'll miss having you around to celebrate yet another holiday with, but I will also have a new perception of the deeper meaning of this weekend. I love you!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
7 Months!
Happy seven month heavenly birthday Carter! I hope you got the balloon we sent to you last night. Your daddy told me that when we were going outside to send it to you he heard some geese honking. That made me smile!
I can't believe it's been 7 months already. In some ways it seems like so much longer than that but in other ways it seems like just yesterday. I still miss you every day. And I still think about you every day too. But thankfully, it doesn't hurt like it hurt before. I am so grateful for that. I think my heart will always ache for you, but I've found some peace with you being gone.
I was thinking yesterday in church about how my life has changed since having you. I truly try more to enjoy every day life more and not worry about the future. I know I can't change anything and that I have no control over what happens in life. I'm simply along for the ride. So, I'll just be grateful for today! Thank you for teaching me that!
I've gotten some pictures from people lately and comments too. I wanted to share them with you!
From your Nana: What I saw on the horizon this am on the hill by the storage units. It must be 5 ~6 ft tall! Happy 7 month angelversary Carter. You done good with this one. Nana made sure she shared it with your mommy.
From our friend Dan: Comes 1 foot from me and the girls. Lions Park. Kelly: "I saw his webbed feet!" 
Another one from our friend Dan: Carter, move your karma off the road! Seriously, they were so slow they were almost standing. :-)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Carter here, Carter there, Carter, Carter EVERYWHERE!
Hey you! Well, you still never cease to amaze me. I had to go to Sears to pick up the pictures we had taken of your big sister (which by the way are SOOOOOO cute)today. When I walked back to the photo studio, I noticed the Carter's clothing brand pasted up on the top of the wall of the baby section. It made me smile! And then, while I was waiting, a family was trying to get three little boys to smile for pictures and I heard them call one of the little guys Carter. I was amazed. Well as if that wasn't enough, there was a lady in front of me in line waiting and her little boy was sitting in the chairs off to the side of the room. I could have fallen over when I heard her talking to him and calling him Carter!!!!!!!! You were everywhere at that store today. I wanted to tell both of the families that I have a Carter too, but figured that wouldn't really be appropriate to just go up to some people I haven't ever met before and tell them all about my Carter, completely unprovoked. ;) See Buddy, I've got some tact in me. :) So that was my trip to get your sister's pictures. I'm so glad you showed up there. It was nice to be able to spend that little bit of time with you. I love you!
Friday, March 19, 2010
You are so silly!
Well buddy, you are still making waves much like I knew you would! Here's what one of my other mommy friends who lives in Denver wrote to me last night about when she saw some geese:
OMG, Sara, Carter was cracking me up the other day...moseying across the freeway, holding up traffic, without a care in the world. Other drivers were getting mad...I just laughed. Carter was telling us to slow down and enjoy the ride.
:) Good work Carter! People do indeed need to slow down and wait for the geese in life sometimes. (That's my own twist on stop and smell the roses) If more people did that, I think the world would be a better place! Thanks for being here, buddy!
OMG, Sara, Carter was cracking me up the other day...moseying across the freeway, holding up traffic, without a care in the world. Other drivers were getting mad...I just laughed. Carter was telling us to slow down and enjoy the ride.
:) Good work Carter! People do indeed need to slow down and wait for the geese in life sometimes. (That's my own twist on stop and smell the roses) If more people did that, I think the world would be a better place! Thanks for being here, buddy!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Baby Shower
Hi you!
Sorry it's been a while again since I have written to you. I have been thinking about you lots though, I promise!
Not much has been happening since I last wrote to you. Just life in general I guess. We have still been hearing the baby's heartbeat every night which is such a blessing. I think I felt the baby move some earlier this week. And on Tuesday evening your sister did and said probably the sweetest thing ever. We were out to dinner with your Bumpa and I can't remember what we were talking about but all of the sudden she looked at me, put her hand on my shoulder and said "Mommy my friend". I could have melted in my chair. Even your daddy was super smiley after she said it. I can't believe what a big girl she's becoming and what a sweet little thing she is!
Well buddy I got an invitation the other day to a baby shower. It's for the wife of a guy that your daddy works with. It's their first baby. It's a little boy. He's due right at the beginning of May. I've met the mommy a couple of times and she's super sweet. But I'm torn. I'm completely at a loss. What should I do? I haven't been to a baby shower since Thursday, August 27, 2009...it was my shower for you. It was right after that shower that I went home and was putting your clothes into the hamper to be washed and realized I hadn't felt you move all day long.
I have told people that there is IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM going to be any celebration of ANY kind prior to the birth of your little brother/sister. Call me superstitious. Call me what you want...but I just won't do it.
SO, that leads me into my current predicament. What do I do about this baby shower on Saturday? I don't know that I'll know anyone there (other than the mommy) and what if I just cry the whole time? I don't want to just sit there and try not to yell out - Hey everybody, I know you don't know me, but I had a baby shower in August and I found out my baby was dead the next day! You just don't say those kinds of things, Carter. But those are the kinds of things that run through my mind when I think about baby showers. :( I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be a party pooper for the rest of my life. But I also don't know that I can bring myself to go buy a baby gift either.
I guess I don't really need to decide for sure right now. I don't technically even need to decide until Saturday. But it's on my heart and I knew telling you about it would make me feel better. Thanks for listening, Carter. I love you!
Sorry it's been a while again since I have written to you. I have been thinking about you lots though, I promise!
Not much has been happening since I last wrote to you. Just life in general I guess. We have still been hearing the baby's heartbeat every night which is such a blessing. I think I felt the baby move some earlier this week. And on Tuesday evening your sister did and said probably the sweetest thing ever. We were out to dinner with your Bumpa and I can't remember what we were talking about but all of the sudden she looked at me, put her hand on my shoulder and said "Mommy my friend". I could have melted in my chair. Even your daddy was super smiley after she said it. I can't believe what a big girl she's becoming and what a sweet little thing she is!
Well buddy I got an invitation the other day to a baby shower. It's for the wife of a guy that your daddy works with. It's their first baby. It's a little boy. He's due right at the beginning of May. I've met the mommy a couple of times and she's super sweet. But I'm torn. I'm completely at a loss. What should I do? I haven't been to a baby shower since Thursday, August 27, 2009...it was my shower for you. It was right after that shower that I went home and was putting your clothes into the hamper to be washed and realized I hadn't felt you move all day long.
I have told people that there is IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM going to be any celebration of ANY kind prior to the birth of your little brother/sister. Call me superstitious. Call me what you want...but I just won't do it.
SO, that leads me into my current predicament. What do I do about this baby shower on Saturday? I don't know that I'll know anyone there (other than the mommy) and what if I just cry the whole time? I don't want to just sit there and try not to yell out - Hey everybody, I know you don't know me, but I had a baby shower in August and I found out my baby was dead the next day! You just don't say those kinds of things, Carter. But those are the kinds of things that run through my mind when I think about baby showers. :( I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be a party pooper for the rest of my life. But I also don't know that I can bring myself to go buy a baby gift either.
I guess I don't really need to decide for sure right now. I don't technically even need to decide until Saturday. But it's on my heart and I knew telling you about it would make me feel better. Thanks for listening, Carter. I love you!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Good News
Hey Carter. I love you!
Well I got some good news today. My oh so wonderful doctor called and gave me the results of our ultrasound and blood work from last week. We have less than a 1 in 15,000 chance of having a baby with down syndrome and less than a 1 in 27,000 chance of having a baby with trisomy. PRAISE GOD! I was so happy and relieved. Things really seem to be going ok with this pregnancy...knock on wood and cross your fingers and say your prayers...all that fun stuff!
We have still been able to find baby's heartbeat every night which is a relief too. Last night it took a while and I had to convince myself not to freak out about it, but after about 7 or 8 minutes I finally found it just beating away at 156 bpm.
I love hearing that little heart beat every night. It many times brings me back to the 28th of August though when they were trying so hard to find yours. That silence was the loudest sound I think I've ever heard in my entire life. Sitting there trying with all that I am not to break down and cry hysterically while they tried and tried and tried, Buddy. But it just wasn't meant to be. :( I don't know why it ended up like this, Carter. I don't know that I really even "wish" that I knew because I don't think that would make it hurt any less.
There have been some more "good" things that have come out losing you though. Do you remember me telling you about that little one over in Laramie who passed away at around 20 weeks gestation? Well, it turns out his daddy works in the same building as me and his first day back to work was just a couple days ago. We had a nice talk his first day back and it was healing for me to be able to tell him about you and I am really hoping it was a good thing for him too. He has told me more than once since then that he was glad we got to talk, so that makes me happy. I don't understand God. I can't even pretend to understand Him, but I can tell you that He continues to show Himself to me through you. Like I said, I don't have any stinkin' clue why you are gone, but I do know that I am grateful to be able to help others who are on a similar path as me. It's humbling.
Your daddy has been super busy over this last weekend of his from work. Our birthday and anniversary presents to each other this year is a new kitchen table and chairs. So, your daddy has been hard at work making our new kitchen table. (I bought the chairs online.) He is doing a GREAT job. I can't wait to see it when he's done. Like I said, he's working super hard on it and is doing a heck of a job! I know he would have loved to teach you all about wood working. I wonder if he ever thinks about you when he's working on that stuff. I'm sure he does!
Well Carter, I suppose I should get some stuff done. Thanks for being such a wonderful little boy! I love you! Have fun up there with your friends, but be sure you are a good listener. ;) I LOVE YOU!
Well I got some good news today. My oh so wonderful doctor called and gave me the results of our ultrasound and blood work from last week. We have less than a 1 in 15,000 chance of having a baby with down syndrome and less than a 1 in 27,000 chance of having a baby with trisomy. PRAISE GOD! I was so happy and relieved. Things really seem to be going ok with this pregnancy...knock on wood and cross your fingers and say your prayers...all that fun stuff!
We have still been able to find baby's heartbeat every night which is a relief too. Last night it took a while and I had to convince myself not to freak out about it, but after about 7 or 8 minutes I finally found it just beating away at 156 bpm.
I love hearing that little heart beat every night. It many times brings me back to the 28th of August though when they were trying so hard to find yours. That silence was the loudest sound I think I've ever heard in my entire life. Sitting there trying with all that I am not to break down and cry hysterically while they tried and tried and tried, Buddy. But it just wasn't meant to be. :( I don't know why it ended up like this, Carter. I don't know that I really even "wish" that I knew because I don't think that would make it hurt any less.
There have been some more "good" things that have come out losing you though. Do you remember me telling you about that little one over in Laramie who passed away at around 20 weeks gestation? Well, it turns out his daddy works in the same building as me and his first day back to work was just a couple days ago. We had a nice talk his first day back and it was healing for me to be able to tell him about you and I am really hoping it was a good thing for him too. He has told me more than once since then that he was glad we got to talk, so that makes me happy. I don't understand God. I can't even pretend to understand Him, but I can tell you that He continues to show Himself to me through you. Like I said, I don't have any stinkin' clue why you are gone, but I do know that I am grateful to be able to help others who are on a similar path as me. It's humbling.
Your daddy has been super busy over this last weekend of his from work. Our birthday and anniversary presents to each other this year is a new kitchen table and chairs. So, your daddy has been hard at work making our new kitchen table. (I bought the chairs online.) He is doing a GREAT job. I can't wait to see it when he's done. Like I said, he's working super hard on it and is doing a heck of a job! I know he would have loved to teach you all about wood working. I wonder if he ever thinks about you when he's working on that stuff. I'm sure he does!
Well Carter, I suppose I should get some stuff done. Thanks for being such a wonderful little boy! I love you! Have fun up there with your friends, but be sure you are a good listener. ;) I LOVE YOU!
Friday, March 5, 2010
Lookin' Good
Hey you!
Well, we had another ultrasound to check for genetic abnormalities on your little brother/sister and the doctor said everything looks good. But we'll get the test results back in about a week or so and that will tell us exactly what the risk is for this baby of having any issues.
The doctor did tell me more than once though that your little brother/sister looked good.
Your daddy took me to lunch afterward and that was nice to be able to spend some time together. He was able to go to your sister's daycare earlier today with our dog. He told me that she absolutely loved having him there and was a big help when he read the book to the kids. She kept telling your dog what to do and he didn't listen of course. ;) She's such a sweet girl.
Well Carter, I hope you are having a nice day today. It's snowing here like crazy today. I just wish I was at home sitting under a blanket with the fireplace going and some hot chocolate in my hand. Oh yeah, and I wish you were here to cuddle up with!
Have fun today and party hard with James!
Well, we had another ultrasound to check for genetic abnormalities on your little brother/sister and the doctor said everything looks good. But we'll get the test results back in about a week or so and that will tell us exactly what the risk is for this baby of having any issues.
The doctor did tell me more than once though that your little brother/sister looked good.
Your daddy took me to lunch afterward and that was nice to be able to spend some time together. He was able to go to your sister's daycare earlier today with our dog. He told me that she absolutely loved having him there and was a big help when he read the book to the kids. She kept telling your dog what to do and he didn't listen of course. ;) She's such a sweet girl.
Well Carter, I hope you are having a nice day today. It's snowing here like crazy today. I just wish I was at home sitting under a blanket with the fireplace going and some hot chocolate in my hand. Oh yeah, and I wish you were here to cuddle up with!
Have fun today and party hard with James!
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