Baby Shower

Hi you!

Sorry it's been a while again since I have written to you. I have been thinking about you lots though, I promise!

Not much has been happening since I last wrote to you. Just life in general I guess. We have still been hearing the baby's heartbeat every night which is such a blessing. I think I felt the baby move some earlier this week. And on Tuesday evening your sister did and said probably the sweetest thing ever. We were out to dinner with your Bumpa and I can't remember what we were talking about but all of the sudden she looked at me, put her hand on my shoulder and said "Mommy my friend". I could have melted in my chair. Even your daddy was super smiley after she said it. I can't believe what a big girl she's becoming and what a sweet little thing she is!

Well buddy I got an invitation the other day to a baby shower. It's for the wife of a guy that your daddy works with. It's their first baby. It's a little boy. He's due right at the beginning of May. I've met the mommy a couple of times and she's super sweet. But I'm torn. I'm completely at a loss. What should I do? I haven't been to a baby shower since Thursday, August 27, 2009...it was my shower for you. It was right after that shower that I went home and was putting your clothes into the hamper to be washed and realized I hadn't felt you move all day long.

I have told people that there is IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM going to be any celebration of ANY kind prior to the birth of your little brother/sister. Call me superstitious. Call me what you want...but I just won't do it.

SO, that leads me into my current predicament. What do I do about this baby shower on Saturday? I don't know that I'll know anyone there (other than the mommy) and what if I just cry the whole time? I don't want to just sit there and try not to yell out - Hey everybody, I know you don't know me, but I had a baby shower in August and I found out my baby was dead the next day! You just don't say those kinds of things, Carter. But those are the kinds of things that run through my mind when I think about baby showers. :( I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be a party pooper for the rest of my life. But I also don't know that I can bring myself to go buy a baby gift either.

I guess I don't really need to decide for sure right now. I don't technically even need to decide until Saturday. But it's on my heart and I knew telling you about it would make me feel better. Thanks for listening, Carter. I love you!