I'm sorry for only coming to talk to you when I'm freaking out lately...I wish it wasn't like this...but it is and for that I'm sorry!
I was looking at my calendar this morning and when I saw that my countdown said 28 days until baby Abby arrives(or 4 weeks from today). I think my heart went into palpitations! I feel just like the turtle in this picture!
Let me elaborate! I don't feel like I'm drowning, but I definitely feel like I'm in a pool full of water and that although the water isn’t rising, the only part of me that I am able to keep above the waterline is essentially my face so I don’t drown. I feel like I’m flailing and that I just need to keep up enough strength to keep that nose out of the water. Does that make any sense? I still can’t bring myself to think about or imagine what life will/should/could be like after we take your little sister home from the hospital. When I bought the outfit to bring her home in I thought, well…if we don’t bring her home, then at least I have an outfit she can be buried in. I am hopeful that she makes it through these last four weeks, but I’m not confident. And when someone else tells me how they are SURE things are going to work out wonderfully with Abby, I about have a panic attack. All of the “what ifs” that run through my head…I’m glad those people have confidence and I am sure they think I’m a nutcase because I don’t have a lick of it, but I can’t shake it.
It's tough, Carter. But at least I'm still able to breath and each breath is a gift, that's for sure.
Have a good day buddy!
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