Don’t get me wrong, things are still going along smoothly with the things I last wrote to you about. Your birthday party is planned for and ready to be celebrated. Your sister’s arrival is still scheduled and we are ready for it.
BUT……………
Then life happens…things happen that you don’t expect and that you can’t fathom. It all started on Sunday when two of your dogs got into a fight. That doesn’t sound terribly complicated except for the fact that this is the second fight in less than two months and both have required veterinary care for one of the dogs involved. To add to the complication of it all, your Buddy dog would not stop fighting your Sequoia dog even after I had broken a rake over his back and continued hitting him with the handle of it. And after the fight was done, he growled and snarled at me.
It worries me, because he’s getting more and more aggressive not only toward other dogs but he squared off with me too. =- ( I can’t imagine what would happen if even by chance one of your sisters got in the middle of a dog fight. I didn’t know what to do so your daddy and I talked to our vet when we picked Sequoia up yesterday and his words to us were basically, you have a dangerous dog and he needs to be put down.
I am such an animal lover, Carter. I didn’t think I would ever be faced with having to put an animal down due to aggression. It is breaking my heart. I don’t want people to think I am choosing to do this. If I thought there was any other way, I would choose that path instead. But with Buddy’s hip dysplasia, the amount of pain and pain medication that go along with it, and his increasing aggression I could not in good conscience give him to anyone.
It’s so hard. I feel horrible. I feel guilty. I feel like I’ve failed as Buddy’s owner. I’m sure it doesn’t help that we are on the verge of your birthday and Abby’s arrival. Add hormones to the mix, and it’s a wonder I’m still functioning and am not a soggy heap of tears on the floor.
It’s not fair. I don’t want him to die. I don’t want to think about our house without him. And to think about your kitty-cat, Crater, getting worse and worse and the impending decision we will have to make on putting him down, it’s tough. It’s so tough. I will be without 3 of my boys – you, Buddy and Crater - in such a short amount of time.
Why does crap like this happen?
I did get some great news today though too!!! I am officially going to be the auntie to a little boy. Your uncle (my brother) and aunt found out just today that they are having a little boy. I’m super excited for them!
I cried though when I listened to a song that your uncle played on their way home from the doctor’s appointment. I had never heard “Anything Like Me” by Brad Paisley before. And when I listened to the words about all of the “boy stuff” it made me cry. I will never have that. All of those dreams…all of those fun boy things like football and girlfriends will never be a part of my life’s story. It sucks. I am excited that I will get to live out those fun moments through your cousin, but I wish I could live them out with you AND your cousin together. =- ( I bet you two would be a lot alike.
This isn’t the way it should be. I shouldn’t be sitting her at my computer crying about more of the “nevers“ of your life. I shouldn’t have to tell your sisters and cousins about you and your life. You should be living your life alongside them.
THIS SUCKS!
Well Carter, I suppose I should get going. There’s not much I can do about today but take some deep breaths and know that tomorrow is another day. Even if it is a day I don’t want to think about because of your Buddy dog being put down…it’s still another day. =- ( And the sun will probably shine. I love you little one.
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