I'm sorry I am a day late in telling you this but - Happy 22 months in heaven! I can't believe it's been 22 months already. 22 months of no kisses. 22 months of no hugs. 22 months of no smiles and giggles and babbling. 22 months of missing you more than I ever thought I could miss anything in the entire world.
The reason I'm a day late in writing to you is because I was on a trip for work yesterday. I had to travel to Shoshoni, WY for a meeting. Let me tell you a little about Shoshoni, Carter. IT'S BORING! And IT'S A LONG DRIVE to get there. I left at 7 am, got there at 11:15, drove around the town to see what we would be talking about in our meeting, had a meeting for about an hour or so, grabbed some lunch and headed home. I got home at 5:15 pm and I was pooped!
Included in all of that driving was a lot of thinking about you. I don't know why I've been thinking so much about June 29th/your 22 month birthday so much lately. But I have. So I thought a lot about you and about missing you. It was really bizarre too when I got to Shoshoni and drove around. I was just driving with no real end point in mind and ended up on a county road that seemed to go to nowhere.
Down the road was a mushroom factory. Yeah, totally unimpressive I know. It was huge though and I wondered what in the name of heck there needed to be a massive mushroom factory in Shoshoni, WY for. (I have no clue still!)
Just past the mushroom factory on the left hand of the road was a cemetery. I decided I would drive in and see what I would see. Because I'm a crazy person who drives into cemeteries wondering if she'll see any headstones for babies. :-/ I don't know if that is a normal way of thinking but I think seeing those headstones makes me feel closer to you. Maybe it's because I've been wanting to visit you lately but haven't had the time to get out there. I don't know. All I know is that when I was driving through that cemetery I felt better. There were about five little roads I could have driven up but I chose to drive to the end of the cemetery and drive around the edge.
Then I saw it. I was driving and saw the headstone for a little boy.
I cried. I cried because that's our story. That's your story. I cried because those are the only memories I have of you while you were out of my belly and on this earth.
But it was ok. It was ok for me to cry. It was ok for me to sit in that safe place and miss you. My prayer as I left that cemetery is that someday, 84 years after your birth, someone will go to the cemetery where you are buried and wonder about you. I pray someone will wonder what you looked like and how you died. I pray that that person/people will think about how Carter Alan Janes dying probably broke his mommy and daddy's hearts into a million pieces. And I pray that whoever that person is will think fondly of you from then on when they drive by that cemetery or see the name Carter or see August 29th on the calendar.
I wish you had budded and bloomed here, but I'm glad that you have bloomed in a place where you will never wilt. I'm grateful that God is holding you in the palm of His hand. Thank Him for me please. I love you. xoxo
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