11 Months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On Carter's 11 month heavenly birthday we'll sing him a song,
We'll sing it together,
We'll all sing along.
May love be beside you your whole heavenly lifetime through.
Happy birthday dear Carter,
Happy birthday to you!

Oh my goodness, I can't believe you are 11 months old now. Oh how the time has flown. And oh how time has stood still. It's surreal. I think back to 11 months ago and the pain that we were feeling. And then I think about where I am today…I can’t believe it, Carter. I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe where life has taken me. I can’t believe the things I have learned. I can’t believe the tears I have cried. All of the days I have sat here wondering…wondering what life would be like if you were here. Wondering what will happen in the future and knowing that in that future I will always include you. I will always include you in every way I can.

Just yesterday your sister and I went to watch the Thunderbirds fly and I thought it would be a nice thing for us to go to the cemetery to watch them. I am really glad we did. It wasn’t probably the best place to watch the show from, but for your sister’s sake (she doesn’t do well with loud) it worked out quite nicely. We were able to spend time with you. I was happy to have included you in the day. I sat there watching them flying and thought about how cool you would have thought they were (maybe not this year but definitely in the future).

Then this morning I was catching up on my blog reading and read this that Liam’s mommy posted:
She will have no fear of bad news; her heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD. Her heart is secure, she will have no fear; in the end she will look in triumph on her foes. PSALM 112:7-8
Reading that helped my heart. I really like the reassurance of everything ending up “ok”. It was a blessing.

But, today I feel like I’m just in a fog. I guess that’s an ok thing. I am exhausted and totally drained, but I am here and I am wishing you a VERY happy 11 month heavenly birthday little boy. I love you!