October 9, 2009

Well little boy, you have blessed my socks off today. On my way to work today...it is a pretty chilly and yucky day with some snow, I saw probably over 1,000 geese flying in several flocks. They were flying south for the winter. Those geese made me think of you and smile. I thought about you taking your "early flight" to heaven and it made me smile. Then, after I left work for the day, I had some shopping to do and when I left the store, it was snowing again and a snowflake landed on my eyelash and just stayed there for a few seconds. It didn't even melt! I was feeling pretty happy about you so I decided to go visit you before I headed home. When I got to the cemetery, I saw your pinwheel (it always makes me SO happy!) and I got out of my car to be by you. I told you how happy you made me today. Then I was looking around at all your neighbors and noticed how clean their headstones seemed. Before today, all of them seemed kinda dusty and dirty. But today them all looked like they had been washed clean by the snow that had been falling. Seeing them reminded me that you were washed clean before God even took you to heaven to be with him. Much like the love of Jesus was given to those of us who live on Earth to make us clean. Those headstones seemed at that moment to represent how very clean all of your little souls are.

I have decided, through the advice of my counselor, that I need to try to focus more on how God is blessing my life. I believe He wants me to be truly happy and I find myself thinking of you a lot little one.

I was on a run the other day and there were some dogs that ran out at your puppy and me. We were fine and the owner of the dogs came and got them, but that's not what made me think of you...on my way back by the same house, toward the end of our run, a car pulled up to us and asked me if we were ok. The woman had seen the dogs run out at us and wanted to be sure we didn't get hurt. Then on October 1st, one month after your funeral, I got up to go swimming in the morning and was feeling pretty sad. On my way home from swimming, I saw a beautiful sunrise. Seeing the sunrise when I had been so sad made my day a little brighter (no pun intended).

Here's one of the biggest ways I have seen God's blessing because of you though....I mentioned before that you have a neighbor already, his name is Tex. Little Tex was born on 09-09-09 and died the same day. On the day I saw you had a neighbor, I was sad to see him there but was happy at the same time because now you had someone to your left and right. Also, I felt drawn to Tex's family and wondered if I would ever get the chance to meet his mommy. One day I was sitting by you and some flowers on Tex's grave had tipped over so I sat them back up again. Not very long after that a card blew out from the flowers. I picked it up and it had Tex's mommy and Daddy's name and address on it. I felt drawn again to them and decided I would write them a letter. In the letter I told them how sorry I was that Tex had died and that if they ever wanted to talk they could call me. Then I added that I would be at the cemetery on "Saturday at 2" if they wanted to meet me there.

Saturday came and I headed out to the cemetery. I didn't know if Tex's mommy would come or not, and I was at peace with it if she didn't come. Even if she didn't, I at least would get to spend some time with you. I got to the cemetery, and got out of my car to sit by you. I had no sooner sat down and another car drove up. I stood up and the door to the new car opened. It was a woman...I asked her if she was Tex's mommy and she said YES! We sat together and talked for about a half hour about our little boys. During the conversation she mentioned that she hadn't been sure about coming but the night before, she felt a "push" to come. It was amazing to meet the woman whose son is laying next to you. Knowing you and Tex will be by each other forever made meeting his mommy even more special. She and I share a bond that I share with no one else and I am grateful I had the chance to meet her. I haven't seen or heard from her since, but I am once again at peace with that. She made a difference in my life and will forever be a blessing to me and it's all because of you! You are an amazing little boy, Carter Alan. I will always be proud of you and will continue to be amazed at how I continue to see you in my life! :) I love you!