Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Decenber 21, 2009

Oh Carter, your daddy and I are struggling. I love to talk about you and it makes me feel lots better. But your daddy says that talking about you makes him too sad. We are grieving so differently and I don't know what to do about it. It just hurts me so badly. I just sat here and cried as I talked to him about it earlier. What do I do buddy? I feel like this is tearing us apart. I love your daddy and just want him to be ok. I don't even know what to say. My heart is broken. I miss you so much Carter and love to tell people all about you any chance I get. I don't believe in my heart that not talking about you will help me grieve any better or at all for that matter. I just wish he would talk to me.

Ok on a happy note, our tree is filling up with Christmas ornaments especially for you. I love them! There are so many people who have sent them to us just for you! We are also collecting letters to put in your stocking on Christmas morning. I have been very careful not to read them as I get them so they can all be extra special on Friday morning.

Did you know I miss you? Did you know I love you? Did you know I'd give anything to have you back?

Well little one, it's your mommy's bed time. I love you! Sweet dreams!

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