5 Months in Heaven - January 29, 2010

Happy 5 Month Heavenly Birthday, Carter!

I want to sing you a song so here goes...

On Carter's 5 Month Heavenly Birthday we'll sing him a song
We'll sing it together, we'll all sing along.
May love be beside you your whole heavenly lifetime through
Happy Birthday Dear Carter, Happy Birthday to you!

I love you! I hope you are having a good monthly birthday today. I sure miss you today. I am excited to send you a balloon again tonight though, so be looking down for it will you please? We will have to think of something special to write on it this month...we can't just write the same ole stuff on it. :)

I can't believe you are five months old already. I wonder what we would be doing together today if you were here. I wonder what you would be doing developmentally. But I can't think too much about that because it breaks my heart. Instead, I focus on all of the wonderful things that I am sure you are doing in heaven, not just today, but every day. I bet you have so much fun with your friends. I am sure you are super sweet to everyone you meet. My goodness I miss you though. I miss everything about you. I wish I could give you a hug. I wish I could give you a kiss. I wish I could hold you. I wish I could do so many things. But instead, my arms are empty and I have to buy a balloon to take to your grave every month and we let it go, just for you. It breaks my heart. It hurts.

There is joy in my life though. I have joy in knowing that you are still my baby and always will be. I have joy in knowing that you are a big brother and that I am 8 weeks into this pregnancy. I have joy in knowing that your sister (who cannot read obviously, and didn't know it is your 5 month heavenly birthday) picked her shirt out this morning to wear and it melted my heart to see what she had picked.


That shirt says, "Big Sisters Are The COOLEST!" She is patting her tummy in the picture and saying "Carter Shirt". She loves you. She really does. Your daddy drove by the cemetery last night and said hi to you as he went by. He told me that he wanted to stop but had to get to a call for work so he just said hi as he drove. He loves you so much too. We all do. We all miss you. There are so many people who miss you and wish you were here. There are people in our lives that still talk about you, and that makes my heart happy. You continue to live on even now!

Last time I wrote I was super concerned about your puppy dog. She got through surgery ok and now we are just waiting on the results from the lab. Hopefully the vet got everything out and if it is cancer, I really hope she is ok. She seems to be healing ok. She seemed better this morning than she did yesterday morning. So hopefully she will heal quickly.

Well, I suppose I should let you get back to having fun with your friends. I hope that God gives you an extra special hug and kiss from everyone down here today. I wish I could do it myself. Take care little one. Have fun and think of me!

I love you!